"I like art, and by art I mean music, poetry, sex, paintings, the human body, literature. All of this is art to me."
Hunter Reveu (via aurelle)
she wears short shorts
i wear pant pants
I made Lorde Voldemort
I want you to notice when I’m not around
i have two sneezes
the fairy princess sneeze
and the death metal sneeze
Favorite Characters: Kathryn Merteuil (Cruel Intentions)
↳“Eat me, Sebastian! It’s okay for guys like you and Court to fuck everyone. But when I do it, I get dumped for innocent little twits like Cecile. God forbid, I exude confidence and enjoy sex. Do you think I relish the fact that I have to act like Mary Sunshine 24/7 so I can be considered a lady? I’m the Marcia fucking Brady of the Upper East Side, and sometimes I want to kill myself.”
WHATEVER YOU DO DO NOT BUY HERITAGE BRAND CHEESE SINGLES LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY HORRIFIC MORNING
TODAY I DECIDED I WANTED SOME GRILLED CHEESE SO I PULLED OUT OF THE FRIDGE THIS PACKET OF SINGLES THAT MY MOM BOUGHT AT SOME CHEAPO STORE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING SANDED WASTELANDS (AKA WINCO)
I TOOK THESE THINGS OUT OF THE FRIDGE AND IMMEDIATELY THEY WOULDN’T FUCKING OPEN. YOU KNOW THAT SMOOTH SLIDE YOU GET WHEN YOU OPEN UP A KRAFT SINGLE? FUCKING NONE OF THAT. THEY WRAPPING WAS LITERALLY PART OF THE CHEESE AND IT HAD BEEN TORN TO SHREDS BY THE TIME IT LANDED ON MY SANDWICH.
THAT WAS THE SECOND RED FLAG. THE FIRST WAS THAT IT SAID “IMITATION PASTEURIZED PROCESS CHEESE FOOD" ON THE FRONT. THEY THROW IMITATION OUT THERE IN FRONT LIKE A FUCKING DISCLAIMER, BUT THEY ADD “FOOD” JUST TO REASSURE YOU THAT YEAH, THIS SHOULD BE EDIBLE.
THESE MOTHERFUCKERS WERE SO SLIMY TO THE TOUCH I WOULD THINK THAT A FUCKING SLUG EJACULATED ON THEM IF I DIDN’T KNOW BETTER. ACTUALLY, THAT’S NOT VERY FAR-FETCHED GIVEN THE CIRCUMSTANCE.
I SMELLED THESE PIECES OF SHIT AND IT WAS A HORRIBLE IDEA I INSTANTLY REGRETTED BECAUSE THE FRAGRANCE THAT ASSAULTED MY NOSTRILS WAS THAT OF PLASTIC. THE KIND MY DINOSAUR ACTION FIGURES WERE MADE OF AS A KID. I WAS IMMEDIATELY TAKEN TO MY CHILDHOOD, A BETTER PLACE WHERE MY SANDWICHES DIDN’T LOOK LIKE SATAN SPAWN AFTER I WAS DONE COOKING THEM.
AGAINST MY BETTER JUDGMENT I PUT CHEESE’S MENTALLY UNSTABLE STEP-COUSIN ON THE BREAD AND GRILLED THAT SHIT IN A BUBBLING PAN OF BUTTER, HOPING TO CHRIST THAT I WOULD GET SOME DECENT ABSTINENCE IN ME WITHOUT PROJECTILE VOMITING. I WAS WRONG. I WAS SO WRONG.
I DON’T KNOW IF YOU KNEW THIS, BUT CHEESE TYPICALLY MELTS WHEN YOU PUT IT ON BREAD AND IN A FUCKING PAN WITH THE HEAT TURNED UP. WHEN MINE DID NOT AFTER THE BREAD WAS NEAR BURNED TO A CRISP, I DECIDED TO BREAK THE UNIVERSAL LAWS OF CHEESE GRILLING AND PUT MY SANDWICH IN THE MICROWAVE.
AFTER MINUTES IN THE MICROWAVE IT WAS NOT MELTED BUT INSTEAD RESEMBLED A PAIR OF CAKEY COUCH CUSHIONS THAT SOMEONE HAD PUT THEIR DICK INSIDE AND FUCKED SO HARD THEY NEEDED A DENTIST TO GET THE STUFFING OUT OF THEIR ESOPHAGUS. THE ONLY DIFFERENCE WAS THAT I WOULD PROBABLY BEEN MUCH MORE EXCITED TO EAT THE STUFFING.
DON’T BUY THESE ASSHOLES AND THEIR FAKE, CHEESY, DISGUSTING LIES.
I am SO sorry but I burst out laughing once I got to the middle of this
Calm the fuck down and quit being ableist
"It is illegal for women to go topless in most cities, yet you can buy a magazine of a woman without her top on at any 7-11 store. So, you can sell breasts, but you cannot wear breasts, in America."
Violet Rose (via c-icatrix)
Talk about cognitive dissonance
This is one of my favorite quotes about sexualization/objectification vs autonomy of female bodies bc it’s so succinct